The Art of Non-Attachment: Stoicism, Buddhism & Non-Duality
Attachment and rampant desire inevitably lead one to suffer. When we introspect and understand the nature of our own attachments and desires, it enables us to consciously decide which things are worth suffering over.
“non-attachment is the ability to detach yourself from things that control or affect you in a way that’s maladaptive to your wellbeing.” [5]
Lives are typically lived in a constant pursuit of desire — some are fulfilled, but those that are not will cause us to crave what we do not have; leading us to suffer. It’s imperative to understand the source of one’s desires and attachments, markedly not attempting to mask suffering with pleasure, which alternatively causes us to suffer more. Reframing suffering as the source of a meaningful struggle empowers us to overcome any obstacle ahead.
The majority of world religions hold detachment (sometimes called non-attachment) as an ideal — from Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Taoism, and among the Stoics — it surely is a curious endeavor for us to introspect into the nature of one’s own attachments and desires, whereby we may prevent ourselves from falling victim into their enticing influences.
A Couple Definitions for You:
- Upadana — Sanskrit and Pali words for “clinging, attachment, and grasping”, literally means “fuel”
- Tanha — Buddhist concept referring to “thirst, desire, longing, and greed”, either physical or mental, literally means “craving”
The Three Types of Craving:
- Craving for sensual pleasures
- Craving for existence
- Craving for non-existence
Suffering Defined:
There is a term in Ancient Indian Literature “Duḥkha” meaning “uneasy, uncomfortable, unpleasant, difficult, causing pain or sadness” this word grew into the concept that is used in both Buddhism and Hinduism.
“The term Duhka does not have a one-word English translation, and embodies diverse aspects of unpleasant human experiences.”
Suffering comes at us in multiple forms:
“From pain, such as old age, sickness, and death; from pleasure changing to pain; and from the fact that, because of impermanence, beings are susceptible to pain in the next moment.”
Age, Sickness, Pain and Death
Death is a fact as true as life itself, we are mere mortals. There is naturally a fear involved with death, easily generating suffering needless within us. The process of aging, sickness and pain are also somewhat inevitable, albeit we have the capabilities to increase our life-span and quality of life; clinging to the negative aspects of something and wishing for their absence is a futile endeavor indeed, why waste your time and mental energy worrying?
“If you scared to die then you scared to live.”
King Geedorah
Pleasure Changing to Pain (Sense-Pleasure Clinging)
After a period of time, things that were once pleasurable seem to rapidly diminish. This process of desensitization and chronic chasing of temporary highs causes pleasure to transmute itself into pain. While there is nothing inherently wrong with pleasure, if we seek to only experience pleasure for pleasure’s sake, we buy ourselves a one-way-ticket to the pain train. There is nothing inherently meaningful about pleasure, otherwise our entire existence would be a constant IV drip of morphine. The problem with desensitizing ourselves to pleasure is that it causes our reward circuits to become fried, leaving us feeling even emptier than when we started.
“When one has unfulfilled desires, this is painful, and when one no longer has unfulfilled desires, this steady state is the most pleasurable of all, not merely some intermediate state between pleasure and pain.”
Epicurus
Being content with what you have, neurochemically speaking, signifies the release of the neurotransmitter serotonin. This is why something like psychedelics are known to induce feeling of “oneness” as the psychedelic effects are believed to emerge through stimulation of serotonin 2A receptors (5-HT2ARs).
Although we do not need to use psychedelics to feel this feeling of unity, it does help to understand what is happening chemically; one can practice gratitude for everything that they have, letting their attachments and desires evaporate.
Alternative to a gratitude practice, one can choose to meditate as well:
“There is evidence for increased brain serotonin during meditation.”
Clinging to an Unrealistic Ideal, Egoic Identity or Self-Limiting Belief
There is nothing wrong with the pursuit of something that would be ideal to us. However when we create impossible fantasies in our minds, we simply cause ourselves to suffer. The same applies when we are holding onto an identity that no longer serves us in a meaningful way — perhaps in the past our Ego served a purpose to protect us, but by holding onto our past identities which keep us comfortable but don’t move us along in life, we are principally hurting ourselves. If we legitimately believe that we are only capable of being who we were in the past, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Choose instead to realize your potential and the greatness within you, being happy with what you have and with what wonderful things you can bring into your life.
I say that abundance is a state of mind, look to the wisdom of Epicurus:
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.”
Holding on and Letting Go
Choosing What Is Worth Suffering Over
Once we recognize that we are not going to escape suffering nor desires (unless of course you experience Nirvana) we can free ourselves to let go of anything that we determine to not be worth suffering over.
An example of a common attachment is the addiction to comfort, this causes us to procrastinate, be lazy, find escapisms from any forms of discomfort. In doing so we stray further away from what truly matters. Once you realize when an attachment is not valuable, you can take the steps to vaporize it into oblivion.
It is important to note that to understanding the nature of attachment requires some finesse. We cannot force ourselves to let go of something, nor can we force ourselves to hold onto something — attempting either of these is a surefire way to generate a whole lot of suffering.
Attachment and Desire
When we live too much in the past or future, we are unable to live in the actuality of the present. We do not need to forget about the past or future, but it is imperative that we realize the negative effects that can arise when we attach too much to either of them.
“Physical pleasures and pains concern only the present, whereas mental pleasures and pains also encompass the past (fond memories of past pleasure or regret over past pain or mistakes) and the future (confidence or fear about what will occur).”
Epicurus
Awareness of our attachments and desires gives us the ability of deciding how they shape us.
“The greatest destroyer of happiness, thinks Epicurus, is anxiety about the future, especially fear of the gods and fear of death. If one can banish fear about the future, and face the future with confidence that one’s desires will be satisfied, then one will attain tranquility (ataraxia), the most exalted state.” [6]
How Can I Prevent Suffering?
Whenever you find yourself anxious about the future, do an activity that grounds yourself back in the present moment. Do anything that you love, letting yourself get lost in the satisfaction of the present moment. For me personally it’s stuff like hiking in nature, meditating, exercising, or talking with a loved one. These are simple but powerful ways to ground myself back into the present.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Buddhist scripture (Suttas)
Lest we hold onto negative emotions and feel their wrath as they eat us from the inside; instead we should express our emotions in their totality, which may not be tumultuous, nonetheless it will save you from further suffering in the future.
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth in uglier ways.”
Sigmund Frued
Non-Duality and the Realization of the Higher Self
Finesse Your Worldly Desires into Oblivion And Realize The True Nature of Reality
“Nature is neither pleasant nor painful. It is all intelligence and beauty. Pain and pleasure are in the mind.”
Nisargadatta Maharaj
Trimming back the various layers of attachment and desires is a noble venture, fwe are able to experience the true nature of existence more clearly. Flow state activities (such as meditation) can be viewed as an exercise to peel back the layers of attachment, in pursuit of the raw experience of the self.
Closing Remarks
Now is high time to inquire into our own desires and attachments: figuring out which ones serve our greatest good for the life we wish to cultivate, and which ones detract and cause needless suffering.
References:
https://www.britannica.com/topic/dukkha [2]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detachment_(philosophy) [3]
https://www.drrichblonna.com/stress-management/attachment-is-the-root-of-suffering/ [4]
https://www.regain.us/advice/attachment/what-is-non-attachment-and-how-can-i-learn-it/' [5]
